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kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

dearborns:

foxnewsofficial:

they should replace hospital gowns with colourful mexican ponchos because they’re kinda similar and no one could be sad 

if we’re gonna die let’s die looking like a peruvian folk band

upgraders:

my friend did a psychology class in high school and came to my house and diagnosed my cat with depression 

countsassula:

i love getting kissed on the forehead so much it’s like they’re saying “hey i’m gonna show you affection but i’m not trying to get anything out of this, i just want you to feel happy” 

vayena:

my aesthetic is the kid on the playground who tells all the other kids that ring around the rosie is about the black plague

yongmuney:

this is an appreciation post for anyone who has ever tolerated me

danasaur-lester:

thehardcoredanosaur:

what if childbirth is just the pain of the 9 periods you missed

and all this time i thought it was the baby ripping through your vagina

sluttyoliveoil:

haha if youre bored you could kiss me idk just sayin

fiendishly-nerdy:

if someone “fights like a girl” you should be absolutely terrified of them have ever seen a girl fight they’ll rip your fucking throat out with their hands while the guys are still doing that weird cobra posturing thing for five minutes